Of Soulmates

Of Soulmates

You don’t want to leave but you don’t want to stay either. You know it could be worse but you can’t seem to shake the thought that it’s supposed to be better. Whatever this is, it might not be enough.

They’re not a bad soul mate but they’re not great either. They’re basically good. Normal. Stable. Predictable?

There it is, the seed of doubt has been planted. The same seed that will eventually lead you to believe there’s just no way they are ‘it’ because it’s not supposed to feel this mediocre, isn’t it?

You do what any other flawed person would do: you involve as many people as you can think of except for the soul mate in question. Call your friend, your mom, your priest, your colleague, your coach.

You resort to a Google search too. The logic behind it is fairly simple: if WikiHow can tell you how to make eggplant parmigiana, there is no reason why it can’t guide you through finding out if someone is your soul mate or not.

Your seed starts to grow different directions. While some are all, “This is how it’s supposed to feel when the novelty wears off!” others are all, “Live life! Carpe diem!”

And just like that, your seed has roots now. Two very thick ones, well fixed beneath the soil, and a few thinner ones slowly but surely gathering strength.

You’re suddenly in for a ride that will last a couple of weeks. One minute you’re calling your landlord to find out how to  get yourself off the lease but the next you’re curling up in bed saying things like, “So you wanna visit my folks next week?”

In the meantime, your best-friend gets engaged, your sister starts a GoFundMe for her new company, your brother graduates college, your grandmother turns 75 and your coworker gets promoted.

Life seems to be moving along for everyone except you. The only thing moving anywhere in your life is your seed which at this point is a small plant sucking most of the oxygen around you.

Finally, you do it.

You cut the cord; you kill the plant; you leave.

You spend the next five years with a few other soul mates. You look for the greatness everyone’s been raving about.

But you get hit by the quintessential question pretty often.

Did I make the right call? Was that the right choice?

And though you make choices every day, coffee or tea? train or bus? hot or cold? not all choices are the same. Some of them, they haunt you. They linger forever surviving the test of time.

And that seed of doubt-turned plant-turned someone you used to know, becomes one of those haunting choices.

But every time it does, you remind yourself of your Google search.

If there’s more than one way to make eggplant parmigiana, there must be more than one way to find a soul mate too.

Inspired by Justina, 28 .

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